Today’s article was inspired by a short visit to Facebook. Those who know me know I abhor Facebook and anything remotely resembling it. That hasn’t stopped my compatriots from creating a group dedicated to the sole purpose of getting me to join Facebook. I decided to see if this group really existed, for I had heard rumors that it was rather large. True enough, the group popped up and reported 52 members. That number alone is staggering, but what surprised me even more was exactly who made up those 52. There were several people whom I had never met or had never spoken to. All of which made me reflect upon the nature of friendship.
So I did some research. The word “friend” itself is very old, coming from Gothic and Teutonic roots through German into Old English. Unsurprisingly, there are several close cognates in Dutch, Norse, and related languages. The Oxford English Dictionary lists eight principal definitions for “friend,” while Merriam-Webster’s Unabridged International Dictionary lists seven. However, only the OED gives earliest usage information. Summarized below are the eight principal definitions and the earliest known citation of such usage in brackets:
1. a. ‘One joined to another in mutual benevolence and intimacy’ (J.). Not ordinarily applied to lovers or relatives.
[Beowulf: Heorot innan wæs freondum afylled.]2. Used loosely in various ways: e.g. applied to a mere acquaintance, or to a stranger, as a mark of goodwill or kindly condescension on the part of the speaker; by members of the ‘Society of Friends’ adopted as the ordinary mode of address (cf. 7). Also often ironically.
[c1290 S. Eng. Leg. I. 21/83 ‘Mine leue frend’, seide is holie Man.]3. A kinsman or near relation. Now only in pl. (one’s) relatives, kinsfolk, ‘people’.
[O.E. Chron. an. 1135 a namen his sune & his frend & brohten his lic to Englelande.]4. A lover or paramour, of either sex.
[1490 Caxton Eneydos xviii. 67 Playse the, thenne to haue mercy of this poure desolate frende [Dido], that shalle be sone broughte to the poynte mortalle.]5. a. One who wishes (another, a cause, etc.) well; a sympathiser, favourer, helper, patron, or supporter; spec. a supporter of an institution or the like, contributing help, money, etc. Const. of, to. Usu. in pl.
[c1205 Lay. 1615 In to France he ferde er he freond funde.]6. a. As opposed to enemy in various senses: One who is on good terms with another, not hostile or at variance; one who is on the same side in warfare, politics, etc.
[a1000 Elene 953 (Gr.) Se feond & se freond.]7. A member of the Society of Friends, a Quaker.
[1679 Establ. Test 24 He passes for one of their Friends.]8. attrib. and Comb., as friend-foe, -killer, -maker, -spectator; friend-betraying, -finding, -making, -pretending, -seeming adjs. Also friend-pipe, the calumet; friend-stead a. Sc., ‘possessing a friend’ (Jam.), befriended; friend-strong a., having many friends.
[1645 Quarles Sol. Recant. I. 37 Where..*friend-betraying treasure May passe in barter for repented Pleasure.]
There’s a pattern here: as incidences of the word “friend” appear more recently, its meaning becomes more inclusive. Now, this is probably unremarkable in its own right, but what implications does this have on how people perceive friendship? After all, if more and more people fit under the strata of “friend,” does it diminish the importance and value of friendship?
One way of determining that statement would be through surveys; unfortuanately, 24 hours is not going to produce great results. So I checked the next-best source: Urban Dictionary. Though it is officially a slang dictionary, it contains several “standard” words as well. Searching for “friend” brings up 10 definitions, almost all of which emphasize the strength of the relationship between two people (eg. “someone who doesn’t screen your calls,” “A person who would never intentionally hurt you, lie to you, deceive you, manipulate you…” and “An individual who cares about you and seeks no personal gain from their relationship with you”).
The most popular definition also adds that a friend is “someone who tries to stay in touch despite an infathomable distance between you and him/her”. Now, thanks to Facebook, this definition becomes defunct. After all, anyone can be your friend on Facebook, even if you’ve never met them. This boom in “Facebook friends” is based on shallow acquaintances, not meaningful relationships. Some people friend others on Facebook out of egoism, seeing who can rack up the most “friends”. In my opinion, it’s a misnomer, yet the label persists. All this brings us back to the original question: how does the growing inclusiveness of the word “friend” affect people? From my research, it seems people are trying to reconcile the openness of the word with their prototypes of what a friend really is. Our generation is already experiencing this cognitive dissonance. Who knows how future generations will perceive the word “friend”.
